From Leah to Ligia.

Hola Amigos!

This year I resolve to love and accept me, all of me and that includes my name!

I've never liked my birth name. For one, I could never find my name on "personalized" pencils or toothbrushes. Ms.Molly from Romper's Room never called my name while looking into that stupid mirror, and it also sounds a lot like my Father's name and that in itself felt like punishment. There was so much hurt and ill memories triggered at the sound of my name.

It wasn't lovely; it wasn't pretty enough like, Amanda, Jennifer or even Beth (those were the beautiful, popular girls' names in my class). My name was too ethnic, too complicated, so difficult to pronounce. Correcting people's mispronunciation was never an option because I was raised to believe that children were meant to be seen and not heard, even if that meant being called a name that wasn't mine. As I got older, the awkward moment where people need to be corrected remained uncomfortable - because who likes to be corrected?

My birth name is Ligia. The "g" in my name is the curveball; the "g" has an "h" sound, and my name has no syllables; it's just one word - LEEHEEA!

In high school, I often took on different names in hopes of settling on one that would stick and be close enough to my birth name but still white enough to sound and feel beautiful. To fit in. Years ago, while attending a resume workshop, a beautiful blonde woman was helping me out with my resume. She quickly pointed out that in Canada, people hiring may be intimidated by my birth name as it was too tricky to pronounce and asked if I would consider using a more "Canadian" first name as my last name was already Hispanic enough. Something similar - Leah perhaps? That was beautiful. Not ethnic and acceptable. Thus, Leah stuck, and I have used this name for the better part of my forty years.

If I'm honest, I never intended to own Ligia. Still, earlier this year, I felt a pressing to own my birth name. I recognize that Leah isn't who I was called to be - I was named Ligia, a girl born in Guatemala, who speaks fluent Spanish and loves the marriage of Spanglish, loves tortillas, the sounds of Salsa and Merengue. I am her. I am not too ethnic. My name is not too complex but beautiful, and it carries power and purpose regardless of my past and its brokenness.

It may be hard to pronounce, and I promise you will need to practice, but I am asking you today to call me by birth name - Ligia, because that is who I am, and I don't want ever to fit in again.

Ligia finally belongs.